Potty Trained by Two

Potty Trained by Two

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Disclaimer: I want to preface this by saying that I have only potty-trained one child (with the exception of helping a few younger siblings on and off the pot occasionally) so, I am in no way an expert in potty-training. I acknowledge that all kids are different and that there are differences in toilet training between boys and girls as well. Also, I admit that Corina was an only-child with a stay-at-home parent and that certainly contributed to our success. Take what I say with a grain of salt (read as: don’t feel defensive).
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We are approaching the anniversary of the day we put all our diapers away so I wanted to share our experience and what I have learned on our potty training journey.

I knew before Corina was born that I wanted to potty train her “early”. I put early in quotation marks because in other cultures it is common for children to be potty trained well before the normal age in white America. In many other countries it is normal for kids to be out of diapers by age one (or even sooner) and even Black and Hispanic families in the US statistically have kids out of diapers six months before White Americans. Some people muse that this is because non-white folks are harsh with their babies or even use corporeal punishment to get them off the nappies sooner. While I am sure this type of parent does exist I don’t believe that method is rampant among families with potty trained babies (mostly because being strict and using punishment doesn’t work well) and I would go so far as to say that keeping your child in diapers longer than is necessary for them is actually a form of abuse as well. Diapers are uncomfortable, restricting, nasty and with older kids they can be humiliating. My grandmother was a gentle and permissive parent and claims to have toilet trained all her children by one year. It’s definitely possible without being a dick to your kids.


Here are the things that we did that I think contributed to the success of Corina being out of diapers by 20 months old.

The Preparation 

1. We bought two pink plastic potties when Corina was three months old so that they wouldn’t be new to her when she was ready. After a month or so I started putting Corina on the potty when I thought she might have to go. If she peed or pooed into the potty I went nuts and praised her over the top. If nothing happened I didn’t say anything. By five months old she was crawling out of bed every morning to the potty in our bedroom and indicating she wanted help getting on it. She started to poop and pee in the potty every morning and did so for a few months. It’s no wonder that her first word was “poop”. But alas, once she started walking her poop schedule changed and she was so busy with mastering walking that she had little interest in the potty.


2. I took her to the bathroom with me almost every time I went. When she was around four months old I started showing her what I was up to on the pot and saying things like “Pee goes in the potty” or “It feels really good to go in the potty. I don’t like to feel poop on my skin.” Within a couple months she wanted to be placed on her potty every time I went.


3. When Corina began to walk (around 8 ½ months) I would ask her to come into the bathroom with me whenever I would scrape her poo off her diaper into the toilet. I would make sure she was watching and I would say in a slow, serious but non-judgmental voice: “Poop goes in the potty.”


4. We used cloth diapers. I’m going to come right out and say it even though some would disagree- I think this helped because I believe that cloth is more uncomfortable than disposables. She actually stopped wetting over night at five months old and I credit this to her inability to sleep in a wet cloth diaper. Cloth diapers enabled Corina to feel her pee against her skin and thus she began to recognize the sensations that led up to the pee coming out earlier than those in disposables.


5. We gave Corina lots of naked time when our house was warm enough. Starting at four days old we would let her lay naked on a blanket or pee pad almost everyday. She was able to very clearly feel what pee and poop felt like coming out of her. We didn’t mind the mess on the pad or floor because cloth diapers are a pain to clean up too.


6. When Corina was 18 months old we checked out several potty books for kids at the library and read them daily for weeks. She began to ask for help getting her diaper off to pee in the potty more and more. If she peed in the potty I went totally, over-the-top crazy over her. I jumped up and down, screamed with glee, and even made up a special pee victory dance. If she missed the potty I would say gently “Pee goes in the potty, remember?”Throughout the process I found it helpful to keep in mind that it was a joint effort and that when she “failed” it was partially my fault and that I couldn’t expect the change to happen all at once. We both had to learn how to make it work without diapers.


7. Around that time Corina had a day where she peed in the potty seven times. I took her that evening to a store to buy panties. She was so proud and excited. I made sure to loudly brag about why we were at the store to a couple customers and the cashier so that Corina would see how excited and pleased I was. Babies really really want to please their parents and I believe it’s okay to use this desire for discipline or teaching as long as you don’t shame them when they fall short.

8. Perhaps most importantly we NEVER made a face, a nasty comment or acted grossed out by Corina's bodily functions. Even when she pooped in a board book and closed it and put it back on the shelf for us to find days later we did not react with disgust (in front of her). We've always talked openly about her pees and poops and also about our own experiences with excreting. Whenever she has touched pee or poop we told her that she shouldn't and washed her hands but we didn't act repulsed or alarmed. Even when she was itty bitty and possibly not capable of understanding a grimace was caused by her diaper mess we still didn't do it just in case.

This is what Corina looked like on her last day of diapering.

The Training

We used the “three day potty training” method. This was popularized by an environmentalist who teaches it to parents and pre-school teachers to reduce diaper waste in landfills. The biggest thing that sets this apart from other potty training schemes is that it is meant to be done between 12 and 22 months. The instructions I read said that the closer you get to two years old the more difficult it will get as the child begins at that point to form an emotional attachment to their dipeys. With this method the first thing you do is take all the diapers out of your house. They recommend having your babe toss them in the trash themselves but since we had expensive cloth diapers I had Corina help me put them in a plastic tote and put the box up high. I told her in a very serious voice that she was never going to wear diapers again because she was too big. She was excited and visibly proud of herself, strutting all day.

Corina went pantsless around the house and yard for three days while we practiced running to the potty when the urge struck. Instead of asking her “Do you have to pee?” I would periodically say “Tell me when you feel like you need to pee.” because when asked she always said ‘No.’. We got special drinks and snacks and I did nothing around the house except play with Corina and help her potty. Josh covered the cooking and cleaning while I was the potty-buddy. By the third day she was down to 20% misses.

On the fourth day I was supposed to take my grandma to a physical therapy appointment but I was nervous about a medical waiting room being Corina’s first in-public-diaper-free experience. Josh offered to take my grandma for me but when he arrived at her house she wasn’t waiting by the door like usual. He soon discovered that she had a stroke while getting ready for the appointment. She was whisked off to a hospital in Indy.

my grandma meeting Corina for the first time

That night after the news sunk in Josh and I discussed getting the diapers back out. After all, Corina would be in the car a lot that week and hanging around a hospital far from home for hours and hours. Eventually we decided to just go for it- I had told her that she would “never” wear them again. I really believe now that cold-turkey is the way to go for getting out of dipes. When kids are put back into diapers when going in public or after they have an accident the message to them is “I don’t believe that you can do this.” or “You aren’t as mature as I thought you were.” or “We failed.”At best you are saying “I can’t deal with teaching you right now.” It seems more gentle to allow them a break but it actually ends up being a form of shaming; the child thinks she fucked up and is going back to baby land. Besides that, even having a pull-up on makes getting to the toilet quick very challenging. Per the suggestion of the “3 day method” Corina went commando and wore leggings and sweats only for three months after the diapers were put away (no onsies, no buttons, no belts and no over-alls) so that she could use the potty alone or we could get her to the potty fast.

The lady behind this method also believes that the feeling of a diaper (or training pants & panties) against the crotch is a psychological trigger for the kid saying “It’s okay to pee now.” She believes that humans evolved to have triggers letting us know when it’s okay to go (like cool air hitting your butt, the sound of running water) and also mental blocks against being able to release in places that would be problematic to the kid like their sleeping space or against their parent. It makes sense because in a primitive situation it could actually get dangerous if you constantly had a kid peeing and pooping in bed or on you. Disposable diapers make these instincts a bit more cloudy. I believe they are real because Corina never peed or pooped in the carrier or against my body, after her first three weeks of life she never again pooped in bed and she never peed or pooped in her carseat/bike seat or on me (unless I was tickling her!). If she needed to go while being confined she would cry before hand to cue me to get her somewhere where she wasn’t touching anything. Corina has only wet the bed twice.

Anyway, there we were on Diaper Free Day Five riding in my dad’s jeep all the way to Indy and then sitting in the hospital for the entire afternoon. I was so nervous! Then...no accidents. In fact, the whole week of sitting with my dying grandmother went by and Corina didn’t have any accidents in public. She had a couple pees on our kitchen floor and pooped in the yard once (is that an accident?). I whispered into my grandmother’s ear that Corina wasn’t wearing diapers anymore. A couple weeks earlier when I told her I planned to potty train Corina soon she had commented that she didn’t understand why kids were wearing diapers so long. I like to think she heard me and was proud of us.

I felt bad that I had underestimated her and I was so happy that we decided to stick to the plan. During the whole period of potty training that summer she had very few accidents in public and none of them were a very big deal. For the first several months I always carried two pairs of pants and extra socks and shoes, a plastic bag for wet things and an old-fashioned prefold diaper to absorb any embarrassing pees without drawing any attention to the mess. That sounds like a big hassle but remember we had just stopped having to pack a diaper bag with huge, heavy cloth diapers and messy cloth wipes. I continued to lose my mind in celebration at every success and to not make a big deal about misses. As she got older I would occasionally show a little disappointment or frustration when she had an accident (let’s be real, I lost my shit once or twice) but usually I was able to keep my cool and just cleaned her up quickly and said “Pee goes in the potty” in a firm voice. If she refused to go when I took her to pee in public I would always sternly say “Okay, you don’t have to go now but do not pee in your pants.” That seemed to work really well.

The early weeks of potty training were labor intensive, I was constantly reminding her and prompting her. We were delighted though that by that fall Corina was able to go into the bathroom alone, pee in her potty, wipe, pull up her pants, dump the potty bucket in the toilet and then get on a stool to wash her hands all by herself.

At this point Corina hasn’t had an accident in a long time but even nine months out from the first diaper free day we still had an occasional miss. It’s part of the process. The fear of accidents in public is probably a big reason why many don’t potty train earlier or go cold turkey but with a well packed bag it’s no big deal. I was really anxious at first about it but in the end usually no one else noticed her accidents and when someone did they felt it was age appropriate behavior anyway. I only ran out of “back up” clothes one time when she was having a hard time leaving the playground and also drinking too much lemonade one day. This whole thing went so well I wondered if she was actually ready to go diaper-free a few months earlier than we started and I plan to put away our diapers earlier with our next child.


Early potty-training was not without awkward moments or sacrifices. The shining moment of Corina’s journey that I will never forget was during my grandmother’s burial. I was very pleased that she made it through five hours at the funeral home (with little attention from me to boot!) with no issues and then we arrived at the cemetery- she was very late on her morning poop and I was concerned because she was unable to eat until after pooping at that time. Pooping in public is hard for everyone, am I right? Well, we pulled up at the burial site and Corina urgently said “Poop now! Poop now! I have to poop!”. Without thinking I scooped her up and dashed towards the edge of the graveyard and helped her poop in a small hole behind a bush. Meanwhile my entire extended family was waiting (for a long time) with confusion for me to come and help carry the coffin with my sisters and cousins as planned. The large crowd around the open hearse watched as Corina and I appeared out of the shrubs about 50 yards away

her a hero,
      victorious on my shoulders...
                                                         diaper free.



Showing off those new panties during a nap while we were on vacation

The Politics

If it’s possible to potty train most kids by 20 months or even 12 months (which I believe fully and you can find plenty of supportive anecdotal and scientific evidence online)then one has to wonder why more white kids aren’t potty trained sooner. Diapers are a drag for adults and babies, even disposables, and they are also expensive. I’m about to get all conspiracy theorist here and risk sounding crazy but I believe that“big diaper” has spread misinformation about “potty training readiness” and psychological damage caused by training too early. There is even a study which “proves” that children are incapable of holding their pee until 18 months old but I saw Corina hold her pee over and over again at much younger ages. In many parts of China it is still common today for a woman to hold her six month old over a gutter while taking a walk to do their business and these women claim that their infants can tell them when they need to go or that they go on command.

There is a lot of money in keeping kids in diapers until age three or four; tv commercials are persuasive and pediatricians & scientists are not always above taking bribes. Besides the capitalistic reasons for keeping kids in diapers longer the type of parenting that is dominant in American white families is not conducive to “early” potty training. A baby can’t crawl over to the potty when she has to go if he is strapped into a bouncey seat and a mom that works full time may be incapable of understanding his baby talk because they simply don’t spend enough time together. Diapers enable the parent to deal with the child’s business on their own schedule rather than deal with it the very second it comes up. It isn’t normal or practical for most parents to give as much energy and attention to their child as is required for potty training a baby but what is more important than teaching the being you created how to be a good human? And what makes letting your child have to daily sit in her own shit longer than necessary worth it? I may sound really privileged right now and I admit I was set up really well to have the time and energy to do this but at the same time this is not an issue that is divided by class. Women in third world countries toilet train their kids “early” and as mentioned above, black and hispanic families are potty training earlier too and much more likely to have both parents working or single-mom situations. Potty training timing (with children of typical mental and physical ability) is about choices and priorities and whether or not you believe in your kid.

And while I’m on a rant...I think it’s really backward and fucked up that our culture expects babies to have the emotional maturity at birth to sleep alone (when most adults hate doing this!) and then expect them to lack the maturity to use a toilet until they are three years old.
Think about it.