Number five:
Cultivate a Good
Mood
What? Moods aren’t
determined only by external forces such as other’s moods, how those
people are treating you and life events? I’m embarrassed to admit
that this is something that has only really started to sink in with
me over the last couple years. I’ve been learning more over the
last year especially how my behaviors and thoughts affect my
feelings/outlook on life and have been practicing mood manipulation.
Emotions are actually much less uncontrollable and mystical than I
once thought. Controlling your feelings can be a science! One
fascinating and helpful skill I’ve been honing is how to convince
my body to produce and receive more Oxytocin. This skill has been
especially useful to keep my spirits up during this time of fear and
abnormality but I’ve got a lot of work left still towards being
really good at cultivating a good mood. This practice isn’t about
just ‘choosing to feel good’. It’s about engaging mindfully and
intentionally in activities and thoughts that alter you brain
chemistry for the better.
What is Oxytocin?
Have you ever been
eating a meal with your closest friends or your family, perhaps it’s
a holiday or special occasion, and everyone is getting along? You are
listening and being listened to and everyone is enjoying the food,
joking around and expressing affection? You leave the meal feeling
light, invincible, like all is right with the world and just a tiny bit drowsy. Or how
about snuggling with someone you are falling in love with? That
golden, grounded, peaceful, lovey, all-consuming feeling is likely oxytocin.
Having a surge of oxytocin can be a literal high.
Ways
to feel more oxytocin:
1. Produce more
oxytocin
This sounds like
common sense but it’s important to note- the more of this hormone
that you produce the more oxytocin receptors your brain will create
to receive it. If you haven’t been having a lot of oxytocin rushes
lately it may take time to build up enough receptors in your brain so
that you will actually get high off of it and have a longer lasting
mood boost. So, think of it as a practice or exercise. Once you have
an adequate amount of oxytocin receptors in your brain you will get
more pleasure and contentment from the same activities that used to
just make you feel kinda okay. If you are coming out of a depression
or seriously stressful time you should expect it to take awhile to
start feeling oxytocin strongly.
2. Have sex
Whatever kind you
like will do as long as it’s tender and consensual. Kissing and
nipple stimulation are especially associated with oxytocin
production. With enough imagination power you can have an oxytocin rush of this sort by yourself as well.
3. Snuggle
If sex isn’t an
option for you right now, or even if it is, some platonic snuggling
can get you that high also. Just keep in mind it takes longer than a
normal length hug for it to release. Aim for a nice long 30 second or
longer hug or a serious cuddle puddle situation (with someone who
isn’t having cold symptoms!). Snuggle your child, your friends,
your pet or even the plants in your house or yard may do it for you.
I recall having a massive oxytocin high every time I visited a fig
tree that was in fruit. I spent a summer in Georgia years ago and I
would go to a large fig tree everyday and climb it. I would focus on
the feeling of the bark under my bare feet and in my palms. I would
smell the bark, leaves and intoxicating aroma of the
honey-rich-earthy fig smell. I would watch carefully the pollinating
insects slithering in and out of the vagina like fruits (which are
actually inverted flowers!). I would let the leaves and twigs tangle
in my hair and graze my face as I climbed and then of course I would
gorge myself on the delicious, soft, gooey figs. I would come down
from the tree each time feeling like I just had a huge orgasm- my
head floating and whole body tingling. Just writing about it makes
the feeling return! More on that later. The Tulip Poplar in my
parent’s front yard used to have a similar affect on me and I’m
sure if I had some private time with some of the plants in our yard
or house...this is starting to sound creepy. Just try it.
4. Eat yummy
things!
Because we are still
allowed to eat during the pandemic and eating releases oxytocin. This
one is easy right? Especially if you eat things you really love and
eat them with other people. Chocolate is known for having this
property especially. Take care to make each meal special- set the
table, arrange your plate beautifully, eat with others anytime it’s
possible and pay attention to them. Don’t waste your opportunity
for mood boosting hormones by eating while checking your phone,
watching a movie or reading and don’t let the people you live with
do that either. I can recall my mom dragging my exhausted dad out of
his recliner to the dining table at meal times while scolding: “You
can’t rob me of my happy hormones, Steve!”
I would also like to point out that many of your favorite restaurants are still doing carry-out. If you would like to see them survive the pandemic you could help by "going out" as much as you normally do. We recently picked up Tommy J's pizza and ate it at Josh's office (so it would feel more like eating out). Green olives, goat cheese and eye contact....the oxytocin was flowing.
I would also like to point out that many of your favorite restaurants are still doing carry-out. If you would like to see them survive the pandemic you could help by "going out" as much as you normally do. We recently picked up Tommy J's pizza and ate it at Josh's office (so it would feel more like eating out). Green olives, goat cheese and eye contact....the oxytocin was flowing.
5. Avoid oxytocin
blocking hormones
This is huge.
Sometimes cortisol and adrenaline are unavoidable and sometimes they
save your life but they shouldn’t be something you are experiencing
strong bursts of throughout the day. When these helpful but offensive
hormones are released oxytocin and other happy hormone production is
put on the back burner at best. If stress, anxiety and fear are
issues for you and you want to control your mood then you need to
deal with the sources of these things in your life and analyze why
your body is responding in the way that it is. Worry kills oxytocin.
Don’t waste time worrying; you’ve heard the adage “Why worry?
Worrying risks you suffering twice.” It’s easier said than done
but I have learned to turn off my worry faster and faster with
practice over time. Writing, yoga, meditation, a spiritual practice, reading self help books, dancing, singing, making art- these can all help a lot in controlling worry, fear and stress - find what works for you and also work through your past traumas to better understand why you are sensitive to certain things.
If your mood controlling skills are lacking it would also be wise to limit exposure to others who are experiencing cortisol and adrenaline rushes too because that shit is more contagious than Covid 19. Stress hormones are literally passed from person to person in the air. Also, unless you are exceptionally mentally strong you should avoid people who cause you fear. If someone you are close to is causing you fear daily then there is something very wrong and you don’t have to put up with it. When I was living in daily fear I was almost incapable of producing oxytocin. Surround yourself as much as possible with positive people. That being said - I don't buy into that whole "toxic people" bullshit. Negative people or people in a crisis need relationships to get better (as someone who has once been a 'toxic person' I really appreciate the healthy people who gave to me during that time). What I'm trying to say is that you should only hang out with people in crisis or negative nancys when you are feeling full of energy and emotionally well and of course set good boundaries and be assertive to keep your own stress level low.
If your mood controlling skills are lacking it would also be wise to limit exposure to others who are experiencing cortisol and adrenaline rushes too because that shit is more contagious than Covid 19. Stress hormones are literally passed from person to person in the air. Also, unless you are exceptionally mentally strong you should avoid people who cause you fear. If someone you are close to is causing you fear daily then there is something very wrong and you don’t have to put up with it. When I was living in daily fear I was almost incapable of producing oxytocin. Surround yourself as much as possible with positive people. That being said - I don't buy into that whole "toxic people" bullshit. Negative people or people in a crisis need relationships to get better (as someone who has once been a 'toxic person' I really appreciate the healthy people who gave to me during that time). What I'm trying to say is that you should only hang out with people in crisis or negative nancys when you are feeling full of energy and emotionally well and of course set good boundaries and be assertive to keep your own stress level low.
6.
Think/talk/read/listen about love
This could be
helpful especially for someone living alone. Just the act of saying
“I love you” with mindfulness releases oxytocin. Listening to
love songs, reading romances, watching rom-coms, texting a heart emoticon or listening to
others express love, gratitude, admiration or affection can cause an
oxytocin let down. Pull out all the cheesey music you’ve got and
reminisce about past romances or other people’s romances if you
have to. Even thinking about non-romantic love can cause an oxytocin
release. Sometimes just a happy memory of my childhood can cause an
oxytocin rush for me. Consider making a list of tender moments in
your life that you’ll always remember or make a list of all the
affectionate and affirming things your parents have ever said to you
and I guarantee you will feel an oxytocin high. If you’ve had a
particularly rough life then fantasize about love and affection
(without feeling envy, longing or resentment!). We shouldn’t ignore
or push away any thought or memory that illicit bad feelings but it’s
okay to dwell on the positive.
7. Learn more about hormones
By understanding more about hormones and how they work in your body and how they can make you feel you may have a much easier time controlling them and thus have an easier time managing your mood. Not everyone needs to know the science behind things to make healthy choices but if you are in a slump, or a skeptical/negative person or tend to over-think things then knowing about the facts will probably help you. Also, it isn't just about feeling good - oxytocin production can help with strengthening your immune system and having a longer life. If you are pregnant or preparing to become pregnant oxytocin is enormously important. The amount of oxytocin receptors a woman possesses directly affects the fetus's mental health future, personality and birth outcome. I read recently that high oxytocin levels (early in pregnancy, even before a woman knows she is pregnant!) are associated with a safe birth and a healthier baby.
There are also many other ways to encourage oxytocin production than what I have listed here.... so read up- the future of the human race may depend on it!
7. Learn more about hormones
By understanding more about hormones and how they work in your body and how they can make you feel you may have a much easier time controlling them and thus have an easier time managing your mood. Not everyone needs to know the science behind things to make healthy choices but if you are in a slump, or a skeptical/negative person or tend to over-think things then knowing about the facts will probably help you. Also, it isn't just about feeling good - oxytocin production can help with strengthening your immune system and having a longer life. If you are pregnant or preparing to become pregnant oxytocin is enormously important. The amount of oxytocin receptors a woman possesses directly affects the fetus's mental health future, personality and birth outcome. I read recently that high oxytocin levels (early in pregnancy, even before a woman knows she is pregnant!) are associated with a safe birth and a healthier baby.
There are also many other ways to encourage oxytocin production than what I have listed here.... so read up- the future of the human race may depend on it!
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