Yes, I did lose contact with several people who I only checked in with by text but in place of those lost connections my relationships with others have grown and blossomed. I used to dread hearing my phone ring and I almost always let it go to voicemail and responded with a text. Now I look forward to talking on the phone. I’ve had so many important, beautiful and meaningful conversations that I would have never had by text and wow! I can hear sighs of relief or tiredness, I can hear a sarcastic tone, laughter, and that sad melody in someone’s voice as tears begin to form. Studies show that you can actually hear when someone is smiling while talking to them on the phone. Here's one
A few days ago, instead of a simple “Baby might have a UTI” text, I called my mom and we talked at length about my childhood illnesses and we talked about how crazy it was that doctors had advised her to feed me juice from birth and about the disregard in the medical profession of natural processes and stages of human development and she told me this interesting tid bit about my grandma feeding my aunt only whole milk with Karo syrup her whole babyhood. Anyways- in the end my mom was able to help me determine what wasn’t wrong with my baby saving me lots of worry and invasive testing.
I didn’t know that I missed these things about talking on the phone. Oh! And even better, several times since ditching my easy slide texting I have actually used my feet to move my body to have a face to face interaction with someone when I have wanted support or needed to talk, needed to discuss details or make plans and once to clear up a misunderstanding and patch something up with a friend. I could not have gotten the support I needed or made up with my angry friend by text because in order for them to feel what I needed and to feel my love for them they had to SEE ME WITH THEIR EYES plus we didn’t just talk about the matter at hand we learned more about each other’s lives and our bonds were strengthened.
Have you ever been sitting in a waiting room or waiting in line at the grocery and someone is trying to make eye contact with you so they can speak to you and you feel absolute dread? Well, I don’t feel that anymore. Since going smart phone free I once again observe other’s conversations and sometimes even join in. I have witnessed interactions that have taught me things, made me feel intense emotions and amused me that I would have completely missed if I had just been swiping away alone. Recently for example I heard a girl who was about ten years old see an onion for the first time on the belt at the grocery while she was there buying Mountain Dew with her dad and in a tone of wonder and awe she said “Oh daddy, look at that thing! Isn’t it beautiful?” Another time in a hospital waiting room I heard several old women that had never met discussing the changing times and their relationships with their family and I gained so much perspective on life from hearing their stories. I listened for nearly an hour but I wanted to ask them if we could meet there again so I could hear more.
If there is no one talking or no one around while I’m waiting I just...think. I make plans, I work on things that have been bothering me emotionally, I think about what actions I need to take to make my life the way I want it to be long term and I think literally think about the meaning of life. That sounds cheesy but it’s not...it’s like actually the only thing that matters. A lot of smart people are actually really concerned about the long term consequences for society as a whole that we never have down time to have these type of thoughts. (I’m the worst writer ever because I can’t find the source but I’m not going to spend more than ten minutes looking because I have a baby who is now napping but not for long) It’s odd to think that sitting twiddling our thumbs is one of the most productive things we can do for our mental health, relationships, solving problems, and getting satisfaction out of life but it’s true. I actually can’t imagine being bored...this is possibly also due to the fact that I have a newborn.
I don’t have an example for you setting my fear of getting lost to rest but my plan is just to ask a human for directions which helped me many times while traveling all over the country without a phone...oh yeah, and maps (did you know they still print maps on paper!?) if I still remember how to read one. As far as sharing pictures goes though I’m definitely good there, we actually just printed real pictures that you can hold in your hands and which theoretically will last hundred of years and be passed down through the family. I even printed extra copies for family members that aren’t on Facebook and wouldn’t otherwise have the photos.
I like not having a phone even more than I thought I would. There has been only one negative consequence (besides using annoying short hand while texting because it’s such a pain to type full words on a dial pad) and that is that at times I feel lonely when everyone around me is on their phone. I long for eye contact now and I want your full attention even if you’re a stranger but most of the time when I have to compete with phones I can just stare into my baby’s eyes and have the full attention of someone who doesn’t yet know what distraction feels like, whose mind isn’t cluttered with social media feeds and fitness devices and who is all ears and eyes, desperately trying to learn everything she can about the world that she is so clearly in love with. She has been such an inspiration to me and a constant reminder to live in the moment, fuck the calendar and the clock, value real and physical things, simplify and to be attentive to my needs and the needs of others. She is the reason I gave up my smart phone because I never want her to wonder if I’m more interested in a machine than her and I don’t want to miss one second of her childhood.
I’m not living under a rock. I still use the internet to answer those nagging questions like “When did the movie the Titanic get released?” or “Is my IUD falling out?” or for watching so many instructional videos for my baby wearing wrap, or to show my husband “Llama Llama Duck” on YouTube for the first time. I have completely stopped watching TV shows online though and I quit my calorie counting app “My Fitness Pal” which was my only social media outlet (good riddance). I am, however, guilty of occasional Facebook stalking through my husband’s Facebook page but that’s about to end soon as well. I’m not perfect and I don’t mourn for or judge anyone in my life who carries a smart phone or uses social media. Also, maybe you can use your device or social media in moderation and without it affecting your mental health, relationships and life planning...I just know that I can’t. This is a personal choice that I believe is making my life better; that being said I would be so psyched if you decide to go device or social media free with me.
The Burdock House Facebook is going offline in 2018. This is an important part of my family’s journey to an unplugged life but also we feel that social media is not useful in accomplishing our goals for the house. We aim to create real and meaningful connections and offer a nurturing space for creative, social and intellectual growth. Facebook has been nice for getting a maximum amount of exposure for our events but it isn’t our aim to have a house full of buzzed strangers co-mingling on a superficial level with loud music in the background. The people that really love local music and art, that really want to connect with others and really want to be a part of a creative, living, growing and changing community at Burdock House will find out about our events in other ways and I’m sure the bands will still make event pages anyway.
We want to look you in the eyes. We want to eat with you. We want to know about your lives. We want you to literally like us. We want real hugs not heart emojis. We are ready to cut the shit and enter real life unshackled and uninterrupted by your status updates, advertising and really addictive cooking videos. We want to read something you wrote that is more than 63,206 characters long. We want our free time back and more importantly we don’t want to be associated with or dependent on a gigantic corporation that is controlling every aspect of our lives from our thoughts and feelings to our governments and political climate.
Some people may chalk this up to paranoia or a fear of technology and say that every technological advancement has been feared and had experts warning of it’s use but we’ve never had something this big, this all encompassing and this capable of altering our brain chemistry and relationships. Also, I am kind of one of those anti-technology people anyway...if I had the capital and laws allowed I am pretty sure I would go and live in the woods somewhere. I’m sorry if this whole thing sounds corny and overly-emotional but I take this very seriously because where we choose to spend our time IS our life which I believe we only have one of. If you’re still reading this I probably love you and so: I challenge you to join us.
Fuck Facebook.
We will have a website at Burdockhouse.org to help new people find our house and keep you in the loop but I hope to eventually see you regularly enough and develop enough notoriety that we can get rid of that and make our house what we want it to be (dangit, my train of thought was just derailed by a Facebook message notification popping over this, I’m not kidding)….through word of mouth.... You know what I mean. Feel free to call us on the phone, feel free to stop by. You know where we live.
PS. Feedback is welcome and I would love to start a conversation about this but my mind is made up and if I see or hear any angry responses I'll just assume you're jealous of me.
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